


Midnight

by agentlemanneverlies



Series: Midnightshipping [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Minor mentions of suicide, Not for awhile though., There will be a sequal I promise.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1844185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentlemanneverlies/pseuds/agentlemanneverlies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected meeting between a criminal and a gym leader; two very lonely men who realize that perhaps, they are not so different after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is heavily based off of a roleplay I did on tumblr for the group sapphireskies-rp, so most of it is just copy/pasted. But! I did rewrite a lot of the beginning portion because this was when I was still figuring out exactly how I wanted to portray Saturn, so a lot of it was inconsistent or didn't make a lot of sense. Also, due to the rp nature of the original thread, I took the paragraphs and rearranged them to make more sense. So there was a lot of work done on this, but yeah, I'm happy with the end result. 
> 
> Without further ado, I present to you, Midnight

New Year's Eve; a term that connoted an escape. New Year's Eve was a time where the stress of the year built to a crescendo and simply ceased to be. New Years Eve was a time of new beginnings; of fresh starts.

For decades countless ordinary people gathered to celebrate, making resolutions to be better, forgetting their troubles, and feeling the elation of a new year, a clean slate.

Volkner, being a gym leader, was no different. Each year he would close the gym early and count down the minutes until his world could be wiped clean of his insecurities, his responsibilities, and his worried. He would find himself growing excited by the idea of a new year, of the possibilities; the endless possibilities. Normally, by the end of the year, he desperately craved and needed the rush a new start brought.

But not this year.

The trainers at the gym had left early, likely to spend the evening with their friends and family, and, finding no desire to wait for challengers he knew would not come, Volkner had closed for the evening. 

He found himself wandering through the crooked highroads that hovered over Sunnyshore City, not knowing where he was going. His feet moved and his mind would follow, albeit haphazardly. He didn't have a destination in mind, and simply let his feet wander to match his emotions.

He was less than down. It would be more accurate to say he was under.

A feeling had wormed its way into his chest, whirring away like a muffled voice in the breeze, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not focus enough to understand what it meant. It hid just out of reach as emotions often did; an answer on the tip of his tongue that he could not force out.

He felt alone, like someone was missing from his side, and in that moment of loneliness, he wished he had someone to talk to,  _anyone at all_. If he could just fill the silence of his world with something other than the thoughts in his head, the night would not be so bad.

Unbeknownst to Volkner, there was another figure lurking nearby, feeling equally as alone on this dark New Year's Eve.

For Saturn, New Year's Eve was the one day that he could not stand to remain away from his home. Even though he was a criminal, even though he was wanted in almost ever region on the planet, he always found a way to return home and reminisce. For Saturn, New Year's Eve did not mean a new start, but a trip to a brighter past.

This year he had sailed into Sunnyshore harbor under the guise of a foreign trainer who wished to challenge the gym. The man at the dock hadn't believed him at first, having recognized his face and his Weavile, but he had quickly and cunningly reassured him that he had been born and raised in Johto, and had never been to Sinnoh before. Both of these statements were lies, and Saturn felt he was betraying the man's trust a thousand times over, but thankfully the man believed him enough to let him pass onto the shores of Sinnoh.

Stepping onto the familiar land after so many months away brought a tinge of guilt rushing back to him, and he winced. It had been far too long.

Saturn wandered through the highroads intent on climbing the lighthouse and attempting to glimpse his hometown; Snowpoint City. A frighteningly familiar emotion began to wash over him, something he desperately wished to push away. He had never once enjoyed feeling alone, and the more he recalled his home life,  _the family he had left behind,_ the more he wished he had someone to fill the void beside him. Even just a stranger to talk to, to acknowledge him as something more than a member of Team Galactic; as a  _human_.

As he wandered however, he suddenly came to a stop, seeing somebody he had never expected to see again.

Volkner leaned over the edge of the railing, watching as teenagers full of youth ran about the beach without any worries. Was this what he craved? No... He had only ever desired a close group of friends in the past, finding large celebrations like these to be meaningless and overly extravagant. Yet... As he gazed down at the people below him the ache in his chest began to build.

Hearing footsteps prickle behind him and suddenly stop, Volkner looked up, his heart nearly stopping in surprise. 

It was in that way, that an unlikely meeting answered the desires of two equally as lonely men.

Saturn scanned Volkner wearily, not in the mood to deal with either of the potential threats he posed. Volkner, being a gym leader, could contact the authorities and have him locked away for life, or he could simply dispose of him then and there. Neither option was pleasant, and since Saturn still had desires for Team Galactic, he subconsciously reached for his Crobat's pokeball. 

"It's been far too long, Volkner."

Volkner saw his hand grip a pokeball and turned away. "Don't even bother. I'm not in the mood." And truthfully, he was not. He did not want a battle, he would not even put up a fight if one was initiated. He had no intention of turning in the criminal, not when his heart was so drained. He simply did not feel like doing anything.

Saturn carefully lowered his hand, but kept it hovering nearby in case he needed to quickly escape.

Volkner stared off into space for a moment, hoping that when he came to Saturn would be gone, just another illusion of longing that his mind had created to mock him. When this was not the case, he huffed. "I thought Team Galactic had gone into hiding after Cyrus had disappeared." To mock Saturn, he feigned a grin. "You here for a rematch?"

Saturn watched Volkner defensively, not yet ready to lower his guard. "If you must know, I was homesick." Upon getting nothing but stunned silence from the gym leader, Saturn rolled his eyes. "Yes I know, a villain feeling homesick? Whatever shall the world do?" 

Saturn felt slightly vulnerable having just shared something so personal with an  _enemy_ , so to make up for it, he added, "after I garnered your badge all those years ago, it would be an insult to my intellect to challenge someone of inferior status such as yourself."

To some degree he felt bad. He did not truly wish to insult someone like Volkner. He had no right. Volkner had chosen a path of innocence, and he had chosen one of sin. To mock someone who had made the right choices about their intelect... It was dishonorable. However the look Volkner gave him made him shudder.

"How dare you..." Volkner muttered, no malicious intent behind his words. He had no intention of acting against Saturn. No matter how hard the Commander tried to antagonize him, he wasn't in the mood and would remain calm. 

But he would play along a little.

"Your hand near your pokeball says otherwise." He threw Saturn a sickly sweet smile, letting it linger long enough for the commander to burn it into his memory, before letting the expression drop from his face without a sign it had ever been there to begin with. His mouth returned to its usual position of neutrality, and his eyes stared monotonously at Saturn.

Saturn glared back at him. "Or it could be I'm being cautious."

Volkner remembered their gym match to this day, recalling the excitement and tension the battle had caused. Saturn had been different then, an honorable trainer with honorable ambitions; a different person, by a different name. 

He could never forget the short blue haired boy who had stormed into his gym, pulling him out of his slump, and demanding to challenge his personal team, a team he had raised for himself that he rarely used in gym matches because of their brute force. The boy had given him a challenge, even against his strongest pokemon, and he recalled vividly how his passions for battling had been reawakened in that fateful deciding moment when Saturn's Weavile had dealt the finishing blow to his Luxray. That had been a moment to last for eternity. He had gladly given up the Beacon Badge that day.

"I am in no way inferior to you, except maybe in the amount of crimes I've committed." He turned back to the ocean, watching how free the water moved, his shoulders drooping. "But as I said, I'm not in the mood."

That hurt. Saturn may be a criminal, but it hadn't exactly been his choice to go so far. In his youth and ambition he had been blind to cold reality, and by the time he had realized exactly how far he had gone, it was too late to go back. Now, he was living with his choices and their consequences, and he did not need any more reminders that he was a vessel of sin. Wincing, he looked at Volkner.

Saturn felt he should show some concern. Volkner said he was not in the mood, but all his time in Team Galactic had taught him never to let his guard down. If he acted as though he cared, at least to some extent, perhaps Volkner really would allow him to go free at the end of their encounter. "Why are you not in the mood? Is something wrong?" The words felt foreign on his tongue, but he knew they were necessary.

Volkner nearly laughed when Saturn did indeed show some form of sincerity, his chest shaking with suppressed sounds of euphoria. "What would you say..." He choked out when he could avoid cackling, "if I was contemplating throwing myself off of this bridge right now?"

He hadn't really been, but Saturn was such an enigma that he desired to know what kind of reaction he would have to such a statement. Would he be surprised? Concerned? Indifferent? He had no clue how Saturn would react, and that was what he found so intriguing about him. He could read people, yet he could not read Saturn.

Upon hearing such a concerning question, no matter how unserious the speaker was, Saturn turned to look Volkner in the eyes. "If you were serious, I would say... Don't. It would be a horrendously selfish action on your part, and while I'm not biased enough to say that humans are not selfish, I should think you care about more than yourself if you are a pokemon trainer."

Turning back to gaze at the water, Saturn thought once more of his family, and his expression softened. He missed the days when his mother would fuss over him, and his grandparents would give him advice on everything under the sun. As a child he had taken their very existence for granted and now... He felt nothing but the longing desire to reach out to them. But he knew he could not, for he was too ashamed to ever face them after all he had become. 

“It’s odd, when I began my journey, I never thought I would return home. But now that I can’t, I long to more than anything… You shouldn’t leave your life behind, or you may regret it in death…”

The answer was surprising to Volkner. He had never expected something so deep to come from someone so evil. But perhaps Saturn was not as much of a villain as everyone made him out to be. Perhaps, he really was just a lost man who had made a bad choice in life and was now paying the price. Perhaps they were not so different. With a grimace, he averted his eyes. "You are exceptionally wise," he commented, cracking his knuckles together absently.

Saturn scoffed, "I wouldn't say wise. I would say logical." Of course, it was only logical that somebody would care of other things besides their own happiness if they were to become pokemon trainers.

"I'm surprised you have traveled down the path you have chose, I-" A jolt of hesitance washed over him. Unsure of what he wanted to say, he carefully chose his words. "I do believe you are a good person, deep down... That look in your eyes when we battled... I have seen it many times on the faces of challengers. I do believe it suits you very well."

Perhaps he had said a bit much.

Saturn squirmed awkwardly. He really had not wished to discuss such a personal matter with someone he considered an enemy. Long ago in his youth and ambition, he had made a decision based on views of the world that had faded with his youth. But even though his views of cynicism had left him, the penalty of his choices never would. How could he ever explain to another person why he had gone along with Team Galactic? How could he ever explain that at the time he had seen no other truth but that of human greed and selfishness? How could he explain that when he was young, he had never imagined that he would be forced to destroy, to steal, to  _kill_?

He could not. And that was why he changed the subject, before the unpleasant thoughts could be brought up anew.

“But I know you are not really considering your own demise, I can see the longing in your eyes for something else… What it is I do not know. So really, are you going to speak? Or should I send out my Crobat and be gone from your radar indefinitely?” He wanted nothing more than to flee, as he always did, but there was just something about Volkner that made him choose to defy every bit of instinct he held and stay.

Volkner did his best to keep his eyes on his fingers, now idly fiddling with the joints in his knuckles.

"If I promise to talk and be honest, and promise not to tell anyone you were here," he added, knowing what Saturn truly desired, "will you talk as well? Not as a commander of Team Galactic, but as another human being? Getting your emotions out in the open can really help to clear your head, and..." He glanced breifly at Saturn before his eyes flitted away. "You look like you need it."

Perhaps he was a good person. He did not believe his actions or anything associated with Team Galactic to be pure, yet perhaps it was that mindset that set him apart from other criminals. But there was something about the way he was hearing this from a gym leader that sparked a feeling of acceptance he had not felt since the day he had received his pokedex. He felt oddly comfortable, despite the fact that he was in danger of being arrested at any moment. 

And it was that feeling of comfort that caused him to say what he did. “Very well… But we should do this properly…” He took a deep breath in preparation for what he was about to tell the gym leader. “I’ve… Not said or heard my name in years, but I suppose if you will talk to me as a trainer, you should not call me by… By my new name… So please just… Call me Damien.” 

Now that the name was out in the open, Volkner did recall it, although vaguely. The once youthful face of the commander flashed through his mind for a moment and his only thought was  _wow, that name really fits him_. He smiled at Saturn, no... _Damien,_  his eyes forgiving. "Thank you for trusting me." He knew however that it was likely not trust that had brought such a man to speak, but a sort of begrudging acceptance that this was his only option. Even still, Volkner appreciated that he was cooperating. 

Saturn murmured, "yes, trust..."

Everything else he had to say shattered on his tongue, and he nervously glanced back down to the ocean. He had not told a soul his name since he threw away his identity and became a member of Team Galactic, and even though he had told Volkner his real name years back, he still felt uncomfortable admitting it. He was opening a path of emotions that he really did not need to open, that he had thrown out, but there was just something about Volkner that made him crave what many others did on New Year's Eve; an emotional cleansing, a fresh start.

"I… You should tell me what’s on your mind. Why are you so listless tonight?"

"Why am I so listless?" Volkner repeated quietly, his head tilting slightly. "Put simply, I’m lonely. New Year’s is usually such a wonderful, fulfilling time for me, but this year is…" he hesitated, words catching in his throat, "… different, somehow. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, really."

Saturn understood. Despite his many years of pushing away the feeling, claiming it's nonexistence, and chasing beliefs that contradicted such emotions, Saturn now knew there was no escaping reality. Loneliness was a cold creeping feeling that snuck into even the brightest of hearts and turned them sour. Loneliness was the feeling of isolation, of fear, of despair. Loneliness was inescapable, if one was alone.

It was upon learning this about Volkner that Saturn found himself truly understanding a human being for the first time in his life. with a sigh, for he was still trying to come to terms with feeling himself, he replied, "loneliness, it seemed like such a foreign concept, but perhaps it is not..."

Saturn then did something he had never expected to in his life; he let his emotional walls drop and gave Volkner a look that showed exactly how tired he was. He showed his center, his vulnerability, to someone until moments ago he had deemed an enemy.

 “I’ve tried for years to achieve something I felt the world so badly needs, yet… It all feels so pointless now. People have proven they cannot change, and now… I realize that I've sinned. I guess…” he paused, trying to find the right words, and Volkner hummed in response.

“I sometimes wish I could start over. I am alone, save my pokemon, even my leader has abandoned me, and it seems where ever I go I only manage to raise suspicion. I’ve tried changing my name, my appearance, my pokemon team, yet I believe I’ve fallen too far. I thought myself above the corruption of humanity, that perhaps by fighting it, I could become pure. But I’ve begun to realize that there is no way to escape the very basis of human instinct. I will likely never be able to cleanse myself, much less this miserable world.” 

It was strange for someone like Volkner, to hear such words spoken from the mouth of an enemy, but he understood, to some degree. "The world will never change. People will never change. It’s impossible to force every person to conform to a single idea…” He paused, glancing over at Saturn.  “I understand why you would want to create a new world, I really do. But…” What he really wanted to say, was that Saturn could change, but he didn't. Instead of saying what he was truly thinking, the Gym Leader simply shrugged and shook his head. “I guess you could say I’m just attached to this world, is all. Familiarity is comforting.”

Saturn gazed up at the sky, processing Volkner's words. Familiarity was comforting to some extent... He could understand that. But... In his youth he had truly believed the world to be evil. He had wished to change it, not destroy it, not corrupt it further. Never corrupt it further... 

His mind came reeling back to reality and he realized with a grimace that a storm was brewing.His chances of sailing back to Johto later that night would now be close to nothing, and his chances of finding a safe roof to sleep under were nonexistent. With a sigh, he turned to Volkner. "You may wish to head inside soon, it looks as though it is about to rain and with the already present chill, one could easily take ill." And indeed no sooner had Saturn mentioned the rain did the first drop splatter against his face.

Volkner, who had not noticed the sky darkening, the heavy winds slashing across the city, or the teenagers running for shelter, was suddenly suspicious of the seemingly out-of-the-blue suggestion. He raised an eyebrow, his expression piercing. "And where will you go,  _Damien?_ "

Saturn flinched, but other than that slight movement, he didn't allow Volkner to see how he was feeling. The use of his real name in such a way stung, but he still had his pride, no matter how much he despised it.

A pang of guilt rushed through Volkner as he gauged Saturn's reaction. Saturn had trusted him with his name, and here he had gone and abused that trust by using it as an insult. He wanted to apologize,to do anything to make it right, but before he could open his lips to speak, Saturn abandoned his pride and silenced him.

"Likely nowhere..." A drop of water hit his skin, followed by another, and then even more. He looked up, and felt that the sky accurately portrayed how he felt; so tired of holding onto pointless ideals and beliefs, that it was necessary to just release everything. "The sky seems to enjoy mocking me, I feel the rain is meant to be my punishment." That was the truth in its entirety. It was not clouded by an obtrusive sense of pride, nor by his inability to trust. This was how he felt; like he deserved any punishments he faced, but was terrified of facing them.

Volkner stared at him, processing his words. "Anywhere you go now you'll be discovered, and it's not like you can go huddle in an alleyway all night." He sincerely hoped that hadn't been his plan anyway. "Come back to the gym," he offered, startling even himself with the words.

Saturn shivered and stared at Volkner in utter disbelief. Why?  _Why?_ Why would a gym leader offer to shelter in international criminal? Why would he...? What did Volkner have to gain from this anyway?

Volkner could see the 'why?' written all over Saturn's face, so he kept going without waiting for the question to be vocalized. "I'm feeling generous tonight, and no one but me stays overnight at the gym so you'll be fine there. No one will know you're here."

"I don't understand..." Why?  _Why?_ Saturned's eyes darkened. Perhaps Volkner intended to turn him in after all. He stepped slightly away from the gym leader. If that were the case, he would leave before Volkner could reach a phone. "I agreed to talk on the condition that you would not alert the authorities of my presence, do you intend to go back on your word?"

By then the rain was pouring down hard enough to soak through their clothes.

Volkner frowned, leaning his weight against the railing. He tried to ignore the painful push of metal against his tailbone. I have no intention of turning you in," he said, tone serious, and when he felt the shower of rain begin to soak through his jacket and plaster his blond hair to his face, he didn't react at all.

Saturn still watched him with cautious eyes, and something in their depths hinted to his fear.

"I believe," Volkner started, "that this is what is known as a 'random act of kindness'." He said the words as if they were alien to him, foreign on his tongue, but he tilted his head and offered Saturn a gentle smile, doing his best to reassure him that he had no ill-intentions.

Saturn hesitated and continued to keep a firm glance on the gym leader. If anything, he was absolutely terrified of being turned in. That would mean an end to his goals, an end to his life as a pokemon trainer, and most certainly and end to the lives of his pokemon, and he cared far too much to allow anything to happen to them. In this world they would be considered too dangerous for the wild, too volatile for a new trainer, and therefore likely to be sentenced to death.

Saturn still didn't move, he rooted himself to the spot and stared at Volkner with wide eyes, carefully weighing his options. 

Huffing, Volkner lowered his gaze to the ground. "Your company is... Enjoyable," he decided on saying, biting his lip. "I'd like to speak with you more Damien." Instead of the accusatory tone he’d snapped the name in before, this time he said it as softly, as if he were speaking to an old friend. “And… I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I knowingly left you out here in the rain.”

Saturn shivered heavily, feeling his thin clothes become heavy with rainwater. In the past, he had spent many nights staring off into the rain contemplating his next course of action, and by now, the rain was no stranger. He didn’t exactly like it, snow was much more lively and beautiful, but he didn’t despise it, and if he was ever caught in the rain, accepted its embrace.

But tonight was especially cold, and Saturn wished it were snowing, if only to save him some comfort.

"You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here all night." The blonde eyed Saturn’s now saturated shirt. "Come back to the Gym with me." He hesitated, biting down softly on his lower lip before deciding to add, “… Please.”

Apparently even gym leaders could still throw out surprises every once in awhile, Saturn mused. Nobody had said ‘please’ to him since long before his journey started. And strangely, it made him feel less evil for a single moment in time.

He flashed Volkner a mocking glance. "Random acts of kindness? There is no such thing." None the less, he caved in and sighed. There was something about the way that Volkner looked that just screamed truth, and Saturn realized, he must be as tired as he himself was. Saturn visibly relaxed and looked down to his feet, embarrassed that he had every thought the gym leader would go back on his word. They may be enemies, but Volkner was the type of person who honored honesty above all else. He wouldn’t willingly break a promise.

"Very well, I shall… Accompany you back. But if you do intend to turn me in, I shall burn down the gym before you can reach the phone."

 

He stepped forward and waited for Volkner to lead the way to the gym. He knew the way, but he felt he would be intruding if he were to simply run there without his host. "And also… Thank you…" No one had spoken to him as a human being in years, and it helped him to escape his troubles, if only briefly.

Volkner couldn’t help but smile a little, though he did his best to hide the expression from Saturn. “Don’t mention it,” he murmured softly, the reply almost drowned out by the humming of the rain pouring down around them.

Saturn nodded, still recovering from the fact that he had just thanked someone. He had made a habbit of thanking people who helped while he was traveling under the guise of a pokemon trainer, but this was different. This time, he had actually been thankful, and gratitude was something he rarely felt.

With his head tilted down so blond hair drooped over his eyes, Volkner stuffed his hands into his pockets and led the other man to the Gym in silence; it wasn’t uncomfortable silence, per say, but words didn’t need to be spoken at that moment, so none were. Saturn enjoyed the sound of rain, and Volkner enjoyed his company, so they simply listened to the music of silence.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes to reach the Gym. Volkner pulled a keycard from his pants pocket and swiped it over the small panel beside the door, causing them to whir and slide open swiftly. Before stepping inside he looked over his shoulder at Saturn, motioning with his head for him to follow. And follow he did.

Automatic lights blinked on as they entered the room. Volkner didn’t stop, heading straight for the break room near the back of the Gym. He opened the unlocked door and left it open for Saturn, trailing over to one of the cupboards in the corner and pulling out a towel - he draped it over his shoulders, the material instantly seeping up the cold rainwater and leaving a pleasantly warm sensation on his skin. Before he closed the cupboard he took another towel between two finger and turned, scanning the room for the Galactic Commander and finding him still standing warily in the doorway. 

"Here." Volkner closed the low cabinet with a foot and took several steps towards Saturn before launching the towel at him in a dull arch. "Dry off while I fetch some spare clothes. You’ll get sick if you stay in those all night."

Saturn gave Volkner a confused look. He would be fine, he hadn’t fallen ill in years, and it had just been a bit of rain. Why would another human go so far as to offer him their clothing. It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. Saturn was so far out of his comfort zone he felt like a lawyer attempting heart surgery. Nothing Volkner did fit into his normal patter of justifying human action. 

"Ahh right… They are rather wet…"

He hesitantly took the towel and began to dry himself, surprised to find that he had been shaking the entire time they had walked back. He was still shaking. 

Volkner eyed the other man carefully as he scrubbed his blond hair dry, a little surprised at the shake he could see in Saturn’s hands. Suddenly the blue haired man froze, and gave him a very confused look.

"I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what exactly do you have to gain by lending me your clothes?"

The question that left the Saturn’s lips made Volkner pause, slouch against the coffee table behind him and tilt his head. Why  _did_  he want to help Saturn so much? He had no obligation to, and yet he was going out of his way to shelter the man, a criminal no less.

… But that wasn’t what was going through his mind at all, really. When he looked at this man standing in front of him, he honestly saw no trace of Team Galactic — all he saw was that energetic, cocky trainer who had earned his Gym Badge so many years ago. He wondered if that was what made the difference. If he still saw the Commander of Team Galactic, would he still be so willing to help?

Saturn waited anxiously for Volkner's response, nearly standing on the tips of his toes in anticipation. He wished to understand.

Volkner struggled for words, lips parted slightly as he tried to force something coherent out but failed to produce even a sound. Finally, with a heavy sigh, he answered, “… I’m not sure, really. I would stick with the  _random act of kindness_ line I used earlier, but…” He looked up at Saturn then, pursing his lips. “If I had to guess, I would say I have satisfaction to gain. When you help someone without reason and that person shows you gratitude, it makes you feel better abut yourself.”

It felt odd saying that. Although it was true for the most part, the statement seemed to turn selflessness into selfishness, and it left an unappealing taste in the Gym Leader’s mouth. A small part of him wondered what Saturn thought of what he’d said, if it had somehow changed the man’s mind about staying for the night. If it had, Volkner didn’t think he’d be able to sleep that night. He would just feel too awful for driving him away.

Saturn remained quiet. Satisfaction? He scoffed. A person feeling satisfaction from gratitude was just absurd. But he didn’t question it anymore, because something inside him told him that it just wasn’t the time to pester Volkner and try to persuade him otherwise. 

 

When he had finished drying himself as best he could, he handed the towel back to Volkner, and tried to stop shivering in his wet clothes. The water had seeped into his bones and left him unable to remember the concept of warmth. Perhaps he had been away from home for too long after all. Back in Snowpoint city, it was considered normal to be out in the snow on a day of summer, and he had long since grown accustomed to the freezing whether. However, here he was, chilled to bone from a simple rain storm.

Saturn sighed. Perhaps he had finally lost touch with the place his heart longed for. Perhaps this was it, the last piece of him that belonged in the frigid lands had finally left him. In thinking that, he felt as though the last part of him that was still truly him, and not the commander of Team Galactic, had died.

"…Volkner…"

He didn’t know why he began to speak to the gym leader. He had no idea what to say, no idea if he would even understand, but he felt somewhat of a comfort speaking Volkner’s name rather than not.

"Have you ever felt… Lost?"

Volkner turned his head slowly to stare at Saturn in surprise. He eyed the other man carefully, almost to check if he’d heard the right words being spoken; Saturn had his head bowed slightly forward, his whole body shaking in his drenched clothes. Volkner couldn’t help the ache of sadness that filled his chest at the sight. He knew far too well what it was like to feel lost, and if it was anything like what Saturn was feeling right now he knew the pain it caused.

He kept quiet, returning his attention to the shelving and resuming his hunt for dry clothes. It didn’t take long for him to locate the items in question, bringing them to the table and setting them down delicately. When he stole a glance over at Saturn and saw that he had not moved an inch, Volkner frowned, shuffling unconsciously closer as if his presence might somehow help.

In most situations, being in close proximity to another person left Saturn feeling panicked, perhaps even disgusted. But when Volkner moved closer to him, his mind eased a little. Volkner was someone who understood him, even if he had not at first shown it. 

"It is something all too familiar to me, unfortunately," he admitted. He kept his eyes focused on the floor now, mind reeling as he tried to fit words together haphazardly before speaking them. "To feel as if… as if life has lost all meaning. What is left for you to do, now that you don’t know what you’re doing?" He stopped suddenly, emotions swelling in his chest. 

Saturn nodded, listening intently to his words, and noting, that it was exactly as he felt.

"Right now," the Gym Leader started again carefully. "I think I’ve lost my way again. It comes and goes… I don’t know how to describe it. But," he gripped the front of his soggy shirt, drops of water oozing from the fabric, "whenever I think about what I’m supposed to be doing, where I’m supposed to be going, what  _meaning_ there is to the things I do… I—” 

Volkner found himself unable to force the words out, and he lowered his head quickly, eyes squeezed shut.

"… It makes my chest hurt."

It was how he felt right then that made the words flow. Admitting it all aloud was something he’d never done before, and though he hadn’t shared his reasons he had shared his feelings, something so alien to him that he started to feel nauseous. 

"I guess I…" He paused. If he were to tell Volkner what he was feeling, things would definitely change between them. They would no longer be enemies, because how can one truly think of another as an enemy, if all they see is themself? Things would be much easier if they were to remain enemies, yet… He couldn’t help but feel that they had already crossed the point of no return. "Growing up, the snow was my home. Being a child in Snowpoint city obviously meant I would play in it more often then not, but… There was something about the cold of the wild that drew me in, captivated me. I would always run and play out in the snow with the pokemon, from dawn until dusk, until the day I left on my journey."

He looked over at Volkner to make sure he was following, the ache in his chest becoming more and more prominent the more he spoke of his home. “I… When I joined Team Galactic… I felt lost for awhile… I became somebody new, lost touch with everything I had previously known as myself… I guess, the cold was all I had left of me for awhile. I alway thought, ‘as long as I have this love of the snow, I’ll remember who I am’.”

By now Saturn had to stop. The tight feeling in his chest was constricting, putting pressure on his emotions until he felt they would burst. As a single tear dripped down his cheek, and he reached up to wipe it away, he knew they had. “-But I guess I was wrong…” He was having trouble breathing steadily now, his lungs refusing to cooperate as his breath was released in short quick pants. “I… My… I can’t feel any bit of warmth in this cold anymore… I fear the last part of who I was has disappeared," he whispered.

Volkner didn’t watch Saturn as he spoke, didn’t turn his head when the Commander’s voice began to break and hitch. He knew that looking at him would likely only make the other feel worse. Yet he was so intrigued by what was being said, he wanted nothing more than to prod at the subject, learn about what made Saturn do things he does, what he feels and wants and hopes and dreams about. Above all, he wanted to be able to comfort Saturn.

And he had no clue how he was supposed to do that.

Saturn stood, slumped over, shaking, and trying not to cry. It had been a long time since he had last cried, and he didn’t wish to start now, but he knew it was useless. 

"… Sorry," Volkner mumbled after a moment, straightening his disheveled clothes out of impulse. "I didn’t mean to make the conversation get so emotional." Clearing his throat, he added, "There’s clothes here for you to use, choose whatever you’d like." He nearly continued with  _'We can talk more after that'_ but he held his tongue. Saturn probably wouldn’t want to have such an in-depth and emotional discussion with someone he most likely considered an enemy. 

Still, he couldn’t help but hope that wasn’t how the Galactic Commander saw him.

"Thank you…" Saturn quickly picked up a set of pajamas, hoping to change into something calming to help relieve the tension of the situation. He did not look up at the gym leader, instead turning away so that his tears could not be seen. "Is there somewhere I can change…?"

Pushing away from the table, the Gym Leader picked up the other set of clothes he’d laid out and took a few steps towards the door. “Just change in here. I need to check up on the rest of the Gym and my other Pokemon, so I’ll be back in about ten minutes.” Opening the door quickly he paused, momentarily meeting Saturn’s gaze. “Don’t go anywhere,” he murmured before leaving the room.

As if he had somewhere to go.

As Volkner quickly left him alone once again, Saturn wanted to call out after him and plead for him to stay. He did not however, as he knew that doing so would be admitting defeat against his emotions, and though it was not much, he still had a sliver of pride. 

Shakily, he started to strip, still trying hard to hold back the tears that were now freely flowing down his cheeks. He pulled off his shirt first, and carefully dried his soaked chest and arms, repeating the process on his lower half. When he was in nothing but his wet boxers, he hesitated. They were soaked, and it would be nice to get out of them, but he was in another person’s home and he doubted Volkner would appreciate him going comando in borrowed clothes. Eventually though, the temptation of being entirely dry and warm won out, and he removed the last article of clothing on his person. As quickly as he could, he put on the pajamas, in an attempt to warm himself. However, it did little to help. The chill was still present and it seemed as though even if he were to burrow beneath multiple down comforters he would still feel frozen. 

When a few minutes later Volkner did not return, Saturn looked around to realize how truly alone he was. He leaned against the wall and sighed. Truthfully, he really wanted to send out his weavile and hug the pokemon as he had when he was younger, but somehow he felt that would be rude to Volkner. Instead, he sunk down to the floor and clutched his legs against his chest, burying his head between his knees. It was there that he waited for Volkner’s return, alone, lost, freezing, and feeling as though he had not been alive for a long time. His body felt dead, as did his mind.

Once outside Volkner found himself bracing a hand against the edge of the doorframe, heart pounding in his ears. Was he really that concerned that Saturn might just leave if he turned his back for even a second?  _No…_ he thought, setting his jaw.  _He wouldn’t have been saying things like that to me if he plans to leave._

_Could it be that… maybe he trusts me…?_

The mere thought was absurd, and Volkner nearly dismissed it right then and there. But a small part of him still clung to the idea, still thought that maybe, just  _maybe_ he had earned Saturn’s trust. With a small sigh Volkner strode down the hallway, keeping the pads of his fingers touching the faded wall he had been leaning against. For the majority of the journey his mind was elsewhere, thinking of the night he’d had, of Saturn — which room was he headed to again? He couldn’t remember. When he reached the first door to his left he opened it, not registering what room he’d actually entered until—

Oh. The bathroom.

Another soft sigh escaped him, and the blond dumped his pile of clothes on the countertop. This was as good a place to change as any, at least.

It didn’t take Volkner long to change; he kept his towel draped around his neck, soaking up the water that refused to leave his scruffy blond hair. Before heading back to the room he went further down the hall and to his own room, unloading his wet clothes into the small laundry basket by the door and carefully arranging his Pokeballs on the dresser. He shouldn’t have a need for them tonight — at least, he hoped he wouldn’t.

The traipse back to the break room seemed longer than it usually felt, the hallway stretching on and on until Volkner thought that maybe he would never actually reach the end. But when he reached the door, grasping the knob gingerly in his fingers, he hesitated, and honestly he wasn’t sure why. His chest felt incredibly tight, as if he might not like what he saw on the other side of this door.

It turned out he was right. 

Saturn was curled up in a ball on the opposite side of the room, head buried between his knees and arms wound tightly around his legs. Volkner felt his heart sink at the sight, misery practically overflowing from the other man, and before he knew what he was doing he was gently closing the door, padding softly towards Saturn and leaning back on the wall beside him, sliding down to sit at his side. The blond let his arms rest loosely on top of his open knees, the back of his head tilting slightly to bump against the wall.

Saturn heard Volkner enter, but did not move his head. He didn’t exactly want Volkner to see him in such a vulnerable position, even though he knew he really already had. He stayed stock still, ignoring as Volkner walked across the room, ignoring as he sat down beside him, and ignoring as he began to speak.

"This Gym used to belong to my mother," Volkner murmured quietly, not entirely sure that Saturn was still listening but he didn’t bother to check or stop. "After I defeated her and won my eighth Gym Badge, she passed the title of Gym Leader down to me. Truth be told, I never wanted to take over the Gym," he paused, closing his eyes and replaying the memory behind his eyelids, "I was going to challenge the Elite Four with my best friend, maybe even become a member with him… I still wish I’d done that. I’ve always felt so  _stuck_ here, like I never truly did what I wanted to do with my life. But at the same time, I owe it to my mother to continue running this place, no matter how much I hate it.”

It was the first time he’d ever admitted it aloud — how much he truly  _hated_ what his mother had done. The memory of his mother’s words to him made him wince. 

He really did wish he had followed Flint to the Elite Four.

Saturn sat still, staring at Volkner, absorbing the emotion and the meaning behind the words he spoke. As he listened, he felt as though he truly knew the gym leader, and perhaps to some degree he did. They were not so different after all.

"From what I understand," Volkner continued with a shaky exhale, "You feel exactly the opposite as I do. You don’t know where you’re supposed to be, long to find out and get there as soon as you can… Whereas I know exactly where I should be, but there’s nothing I can do to reach it." This was probably making Saturn feel worse, he realised, so he stopped himself before he said any more. "But… I feel as if… even though our situations are not all that similar, we both long for the same thing."

"To be where we belong."

The longer Volkner spoke, the worse Saturn began to feel. It was all entirely true. He did not know where he was going, he did not know what to do, and he felt as though he would never truly belong anywhere. And Volkner simply confirmed that. Eyes dull with emotion, he dropped his head back to his knees and closed his eyelids tight. He was so tired… If only he could just sleep, forever, then he wouldn’t have to deal with life anymore…

But he opened his eyes again and stared off into space. “I suppose you are right, to some degree… Though, where would I start looking? I doubt I could be of any use other than as a trainer…”

Volkner opened his mouth a little to respond, but found that he didn’t actually know  _how_ , instead closing it again and pursing his lips. Where was Saturn supposed to start looking for somewhere he belonged? Hell, Volkner didn’t even know how to answer that question for himself, let alone another. 

"… Don’t say that," he decided on saying at last, reprimanding the man’s latter statement. "Doubting yourself is the reason you lose yourself. If anyone knows how that feels, it’s me." Cautiously, Volkner slid a little closer to the blue-haired man beside him, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "I’m sure you’re good at lots of things. You just don’t know it yet."

Saturn tensed at the contact, but didn’t pull away. After a moment, he relaxed, deciding that Volkner’s hand was a welcome comfort, if an unfamiliar one. “When I was little, I wanted nothing more than to be a league trainer. Whether that meant an ace trainer, a gym leader, an elite four member, or even champion… Sometimes I still wish I could be one… but.. It’s quite a pointless wish considering… Perhaps…” He shook his head, unwilling to even bring up the possibility. If he hadn’t joined Team Galactic he may have been able to do anything he wished, but now… He was likely to rot away hiding from the authorities before he managed to reach the age of thirty.

Saturn became all too aware of the violent shivers that wracked Volkner's body, both feeling the tremors in his hand, and seeing them pass through his arms, his shoulders, and his torso. He worriedly looked at the gym leader.   _'_ _It’s not really that cold…_ ' he thought, confused, reflexively biting his bottom lip. Volkner definitely looked a lot paler than before, of that he was certain. Before he could voice his concern however, Volkner interrupted his thoughts.

“Wow it sure is cold. Hang on, I’m going to get a blanket,” Volkner said firmly. Before Saturn could stop him, he was pushing himself to his feet and half-running to the cabinet. He had to stretch up onto only his toes to reach the stash of blankets at the back of the top shelf, but he managed to retrieve two and bring them back down with him.

"Here we are." Volkner unfolded one of the blankets and wrapped it around Saturn, thinking it would help to comfort him. His arm brushed against Saturn’s cheek at one point and he all but flinched away, hoping to God that Saturn hadn’t noticed his reaction.

He wrapped himself in the other blanket, pulling it tightly around him. The blond sat back on his knees at that, frown plastered over his features when the shivers didn’t appear to be stopping. But Saturn was upset, so he could put aside his discomfort for now.

"So tell me," he began once he was once again seated at Saturn’s side. "Where have you been since Team Galactic disbanded? I heard rumors that those other two Commanders quit, but I never heard a breath of anything about you."

He looked over to Volker, intending to thank him for the blanket, but stopped upon hearing his question. “Ahh… Traveling mostly. I went through Hoenn, a little bit of Johto… Neither compared to Sinnoh, but the pokemon were very kind, just like the ones back home-” He stopped, biting his lip slightly. Thinking of his home sent his mind on a road best left untraveled. ”I uh… I hatched a Bulbasaur, but I had to leave him with a day care for a little while. He was too young to be exposed to… Well you know…”

He trailed off, choosing then to stop talking.

 Volkner nodded silently. He’d only ever been to a few parts of Johto himself, but he did have to agree with Saturn; Sinnoh was vastly preferable to the Gym Leader. “You’ve been busy,” he murmured when the other man trailed off, trying to suppress his shivering.

Saturn sighed. “Thank you for… Well all of this I suppose.”

The blond’s eyes flicked over to his face, absorbing the sincerity of the statement without a word — he gave a small smile. “You don’t have to thank me,” he told him, index fingers drumming together, “I’m just glad I could help. It’s… nice to know a little more about you.”

Saturn shook his head, looking intently at Volkner. It was common courtesy to thank someone for their kindness, yet, that was not the reason he had done so. “Ahh but I wanted to thank you…” He frowned. “I don’t know why though, I’ve not truthfully felt gratitude in years.”

It didn’t feel strange talking to Saturn like this — of course the  _idea_ did, that would always feel strange, but the presence of Saturn beside him, his quiet voice, emotions… All of it just felt normal. That in itself was a little strange, but Volkner found himself embracing it, taking this chance to forget that his companion was in fact a wanted criminal. 

"… You don’t deserve this," he blurted out, hanging his head lower. He wasn’t sure what he was saying, but there seemed to be some sort of connection between his mouth and his mind that was simply pushing words out. "Cyrus, he… he had goals that he wasn’t afraid to work for. I find that… admirable, I guess. So I… I understand why you followed him, now that I know more about your situation. Though I may not necessarily agree with the things you all did… I know you had your reasons, and…"

The words simply petered out, the mind-mouth connected breaking and leaving the silence that followed eerily tense.

Saturn looked away from Volkner in shame. Of course the gym leader would not understand. He did deserve it. He deserved every punishment the universe gave him for the wrongs he had done. There was no way to fix his treasons, no way for him to make amends… The best he could do was sit and accept the consequences. 

Volkner understood why he had chosen his path, yet he could not understand that it was a path deserving of penance.

Even still, Saturn hadn’t the heart to tell him this.

The expression that crossed Volkner’s face looked almost pained as he changed the subject. “Listen, if you don’t have anywhere to go… you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need.”

He looked over at Volkner, genuinely surprised by the offer, and thought for a moment. Perhaps staying would not be so bad. He would have good company, a place to train his pokemon, and a sense of consistency, something he had not had since his childhood. With a nod, he spoke, “I suppose I will accept your offer, at least for a little while…” 

Hmm… If only he knew what he wanted to do from there… “Hnn… I wonder… Cyrus is still eh… ‘at large’ as they say, is he not?” Something about mentioning Cyrus made his previous chills return full force, and he wrapped the blankets tighter around his shoulders. 

A response began to form on Volkner's tongue, anything to comfort the previous Galactic commander, but everything he had to say faded with the mention of Cyrus.

"You… didn’t know?"

Saturn gave Volkner a puzzled expression, shaking his head like the gym leader was crazy.

Volkner frowned. Did he really not know what had happened at Spear Pillar…?

He hesitated before speaking again. “That event at Spear Pillar… Cyrus was captured by Giratina and dragged into the Distortion World.” The blond grimaced and stared at his palms. Was he retelling a tale that had already been heard? He didn’t want Saturn to think he thought him a fool, but he couldn’t risk another glance at him, for reasons he himself didn’t know. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he continued, “As far as anybody knows, he chose to stay there. There haven’t even been rumors of Team Galactic’s boss for months now.”

Saturn froze, every one of his muscles going tense. Cyrus was…? No… No. No, this could not be reality. Cyrus was… Gone…? How could Saturn have lived for nearly threes years without hearing of this…? He looked frantically to Volkner, staring intently at him, hoping from the bottom of his heart that this was some sick joke.

When he studied the gym leader’s face and found no sign of false intent, he shuddered and looked away. How could he be ranked above the other commanders, and yet, never hear of Team Galactic’s final plans, or even the outcome of said plans. Surely he wasn’t so untrustworthy that the grunts would keep such topics from him…?

Saturn bit his lip as he struggled to understand the thoughts and feelings that rushed through his head. Cyrus was gone, Team Galactic was all but disbanded, and  _Cyrus was gone_. Cyrus… If they were leaderless than that meant that… “I’m… I’m in charge now…” Saturn was in charge of Team Galactic… He looked suddenly up at Volkner, concern evident on his features. “I’m in charge of a criminal organization… What am I supposed to do now?”

Volkner merely grunted in response.

But then a thought occurred to him. When he had first joined Team Galactic, they had originally used the cover of being a clean energy company to distract from their obvious crimes. Perhaps… Perhaps he could make that cover a reality. The world did need cleaner more advanced ways of generating power, and Team Galactic did have the technology… In that moment, Saturn decided that he would not desert his ‘family’, but he would leave behind Cyrus’s legacy. 

He turned to Volkner. “I guess the only thing left to do, is create a new reputation for Team Galactic. One that… One that helps society…” Even if the world deserved better than that, It was necessary. In order for him to fix his life, he would need to first fix Team Galactic.

Silence stretched on for what was probably only seconds, but to Volkner felt like an eternity. His energy felt like it had suddenly been sapped, drained from him against his own will — a burning sensation coursed through his forehead without warning and, with a sharp gasp, one hand flew to cover his mouth while the other ran downwards to grip the floor with his palm. “What the hell…” he muttered to himself, scrunching his eyes shut and doubling over, breathing in shallow, quiet gasps.

Volkner’s sudden movement sent Saturn into a worried panic. He didn’t take the time to wonder why he was worrying about somebody he had barely gotten to know prior to that day, and instead moved to steady Volkner before he fell. He dropped his blanket, and placed one hand on Volkner’s back, using the other to support the shaking man. “Volkner…. What’s wrong…? What happened?”

The hand on Volkner’s back was like ice against his burning innards, and he unconsciously leaned into Saturn’s touch. A sliver of relief was offered in return, and he managed to glance at the other man through slitted eyes. “No, it’s… I’m fine…” He really wasn’t, but what was he supposed to say? Saturn couldn’t do anything to help, and he didn’t even know what was wrong to begin with. “I think it’s… just a headache or… or something.”

Saturn stared frantically at the gym leader, unsure of what to do to help. When he finally began to calm down, he let out a sigh of relief. “It didn’t seem like just a headache to me…” Headaches were not sudden and burning, the were consistent and throbbing. Whatever that had been… Saturn shook his head and let it go. He didn’t wish to over think it.

It took several minutes but eventually the pain began to fade to a dull ache — Volkner slumped almost immediately, unknowingly into Saturn’s chest.

Saturn tensed subconsciously, a reaction programed into him from years of working for Team Galactic, but one that he had not meant to let happen in such a situation. Cyrus’s touch had been evil, but Volkner… Volkner was as close to a friend as Saturn would ever get, and his touch was more than welcome.

Volkner was too preoccupied with regaining his composure to notice the effect his actions were having on the other. He covered his mouth with one hand, breathing heavily through his nose. “That was… What the hell was that…?” he mumbled, lifting his head a little.

And then suddenly his position against Saturn hit him, and he wrenched himself away in an instant. “Sorry,” Volkner said quickly, heart pounding in his ears, “I didn’t… I mean, I just — Sorry.” He couldn’t see much point in explaining himself when he himself didn’t really know what he had been doing. 

Saturn frowned. This man didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t need to apologize. But he did not voice this, instead biting his lip to keep silent.

Instead of dwelling on the topic Volkner ducked his head, focusing on the words Saturn had been saying before his little incident. “A new reputation for Team Galactic, huh…?” He let the idea roll around in his head for a minute. “That sounds… quite noble, I think. If anyone can do something like that, I know you can if you put your mind to it.”

"Noble? I doubt anything I could do can be considered noble…" It was then that he realized Volkner had dropped his blankets. He was shuddering and attempting to bring them back around his shoulders, the chills once again returning to him. "Volkner… Perhaps you should go to sleep. I know not what that was just now, but it cannot be a good sign… Sleep would do you well." 

As soon as sleep was mentioned Volkner felt exhaustion weigh down on him, eyelids heavy and drooping. “Sleep…” he repeated vaguely, sagging again, “Mmm, sounds like a good idea…” 

His mind was foggy, clouded by the tired haze slipping over him; resigning himself to sleep he leaned back against the wall, slowly slipping to the side until his head met Saturn’s shoulder once more. “Don’t doubt yourself like that,” Volkner mumbled, closing his eyes, “If anyone knows how much it hurts to doubt yourself, it’s me.”

"I… know that it’s hard to believe in yourself." His ability to form a coherent string of word was starting to fail him, but he persevered. "But you have my belief in you, if that’s any consolation…"

_He needs to believe in himself… That’s the only way he’ll find the right path to take._

"Damien," Volkner found himself sighing, shifting his weight and pushing his head further onto Saturn’s shoulder, closer to his neck, "I believe you are a good person. You don’t have to trust me when I say that, but… I think you should know… that…"

And before he could finish his consciousness faded away, cheek pressed into the Commander’s skin.

He watched as Volkner lay his head down on his shoulder, listened to his words, and thought. Volkner believed in him, but the question was, did he believe in himself? No. It wasn’t that he did not believe himself capable of changing Team Galactic, because he had confidence in his abilities. No, he did not believe himself capable of  redemption, of being able to fix his sins. He could never repent enough to take away what he did, even if the fires of hell swallowed him for eternity, he would not have made up for it.

He looked down at Volkner, asleep on his shoulder, and relaxed. The man was breathing relatively evenly, and looked very much at peace. He should have been put off by the physical contact, but, it was Volkner. Even though saying it was just Volkner felt unnatural, something about it made sense. There was not any random human asleep on his arm, but someone he could potentially call a friend, and that comforted him. 

But as much as Volkner’s presence comforted him, he knew that he needed some time to think by himself, and in order to do so, he first needed to see to Volkner.

With a sigh, he lifted Volkner and carried him down the hall. Eventually, he found a room with a bed, which he assumed was Volkner’s since tthe gym leader was the only one to stay over night at the gym, and would likely require a place to sleep. He set Volkner on the bed, pulled the blankets over him, and frowned. While the gym leader had been sleeping peacefully in the other room, his peaceful expression had vanished. His face was tense, as though he were seeing something horrifying, yet, he did not wake.

Saturn ran a hand gently over his face in an attempt to comfort him, but cursed when he felt an unnatural warmth radiating off of his friend. 

"Shit… Volkner… Volkner wake up…"

He shook the gym leader, trying to wake him.

_"I’ll win for the both of us, Volk."_

_Grey eyes burned into Volkner’s blue, sad and troubled and leaving him for the first time in years. He could only watch in horror as he relived that day, the day that Flint had left Sunyshore to challenge the Pokemon League. Without him._

_Hands clutched his shoulders tightly, and the blond’s heart pounded in his chest as Flint leaned forward, what the hell is he doing, this isn’t right he’s not supposed to—_

_And then suddenly it was Luxray’s paws on his shoulders, and his back was pinned against the ground and sharp claws dug into his skin. He would have screamed but no sound escaped him, only fear for his life that choked off his voice. His mind was spinning, he had no idea what was happening to him, absolutely nothing made sense, especially not the wild roars and gnashing teeth from above that fell dangerously close to his face._

_"Volkner… Volkner wake up…"_

_That voice… Who did that voice belong to? It was familiar, yet he couldn’t place it, and that only confused him more. He should know this voice, shouldn’t he…?_

Volkner woke with a shock, eyes snapping open and gasping for air — he didn’t immediately register that he had woken up because of the hands gently shaking his shoulders. His startled mind finally absorbed the sight in front of his eyes, and it wasn’t Luxray or Flint or anything that frightened him.

It was Saturn staring down at him, expression laced with worry and confusion.

"S—" Volkner choked, still unable to find his voice. A lump rose in his throat, further distancing him from words. "Sa— Saturn—"

"Shh... I'm here, I'm here." Saturn sat on the edge of the bed, gently rubbing at Volkner's shoulder, his mind shifting to full out panic mode.

Volkner's eyes began to sting, tears pooling and blurring his vision. One hand rose to grip one of Saturn’s wrist tightly, attempting to anchor himself with the contact. He didn’t want Saturn to see him cry. He wanted to  _understand_ why he was crying now of all times, but this would likely just frighten Saturn, wouldn’t it? He couldn’t do that to him, he just couldn’t. Deep, ragged breaths were all he could manage, futile and unhelpful, but he kept trying. He had to.

Saturn relaxed his wrist in Volkner’s grasp, hoping to give him an anchor to reality. In times of such distress he knew it was necessary. He looked at Volkner, trying to tell him with his eyes that everything was okay, but it wasn’t working. Volkner continued to hyperventilate.

He reached out with his other hand to rub soothing circles on the gym leader’s back, hoping this would calm him down. Saturn was a stranger to such situations, having been a social outcast, and had no idea what to do. It seemed no matter how much he tried to comfort the gym leader, he could not alleviate the fear that had latched onto him.

What had shocked him so much?

Finally, Saturn gave up all other tactics, and pulled his wrist back. He leaned in quickly, and wrapped Volkner in a warm embrace. He had never done something like this before, having been put off by intimacy, but, with Volkner, it did not feel awkward. This was a human being who made him feel protected, it felt only natural for him to return the sentiment.

When he showed signs of calming down, Saturn sighed in relief. But the burning heat was still present, which made him frown. “Volkner, I believe you have a fever…” If Volkner was really sick, it would be hard to simply carry him to a hospital, considering he was a wanted criminal. Although, since he had cut his hair and changed his clothes, he may be able to pass as a Hoenn trainer so long as he did not send out his Sinnoh pokemon.

he buried his face in Saturn’s shoulder and locked his arms around Saturn’s chest, letting the tears fall silently and stain the Commander’s borrowed clothes. “Sorry,” he choked out, the apology barely audible, but he knew it had been heard. He clung to Saturn with an almost crushing force, reminding himself over and over that everything was okay.  _I’m not alone, I’m not alone, everything is okay, he’s here with me, I’m not alone._

He pulled back and ran a hand gently through his friend’s hair, his brows knitting together in worry.

"Is there… Are you in pain?"

Volkner shook his head slowly; he wasn’t technically lying. It just wasn’t the kind of pain he had been talking about. “I’m okay,” the Gym Leader said quietly, carefully lifting himself from his slump over Saturn’s shoulder and sniffing slightly. “I’m… yeah, I’m okay.”

At first he tried to pull himself away from their embrace but found that movement only inflamed his senses, so he resigned himself to settling back into Saturn’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’s not a fever,” he assured the other man, thumb idly stroking across his companion’s spine. “It… It’ll pass in a moment, I promise.”

Volkner sighed heavily, finding comfort in the body pressed against his. Saturn… felt nice in his arms, he had to admit. It was a little strange to admit to himself, but it didn’t take much time for the uneasiness to disappear — none of that mattered, and in a way, it never really had. “Thank you,” he whispered into Saturn’s neck, letting his eyes slip shut. “Th… Thank you, Damien.”

Saturn frowned. In his years as a commander he had seen many medical and mental oddities that caused nightmares, increased heart rate, breathing difficulties… Commanders were required to learn basic medical treatments in order to help out injured or ill grunts on missions after all. He could not place what it was, but somehow he felt that whatever Volkner thought this was, was not really the case. He leaned forward, so that their foreheads were touching, and placed both hands on his cheeks. “You say that yet… You’re burning up…” 

Saturn thought for a moment, his frown deepening until he could feel his facial muscles straining. If he could just go get his bag, he had a first aid kit… “No offense, but I don’t exactly believe you. With that episode earlier, and now this… I think it’s best if I check, just to make sure you’re alright.”

He did not wish to pull away so soon, he was enjoying the closeness, though he would never admit it, but he knew it was necessary. His worry for Volkner far outweighed his present comfort, and since he was a criminal and Volkner was a gym leader, Volkner’s wellbeing was more important than his own.

Hesitantly, he stood, a rush of guilt passing through him when Volkner whined. The pounding in his forehead had eased with Saturn’s cold skin pressed close to him but reared up now that there was distance between them. 

After giving his friend a sympathetic glance, Saturn rushed back down the hall to where he had left his clothes. Swiftly, he retrieved his bag, pulled out the first aid kit, and ran back to the room where Volkner lay. 

He set the kit down on the bed, and pulled out a digital thermometer, holding it up to Volkner’s mouth. When he made no movement to accept the invading object, Saturn groaned. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. I’d prefer the way that does not involve you stripping. We’ll save that for later.”

Volkner opened his mouth slowly, letting Saturn push the device between his lips. It felt vaguely embarrassing; with Saturn’s little comment and now the rather compromising position Volkner found himself in, he couldn’t help but feel more than a little flustered. He watched concern blossom on the other man’s features as his cheeks grew warm with colour, and he quickly looked away, afraid his eyes would give away his thoughts.

Saturn frowned.

But the burning sensation only got worse with his embarrassment, and in a fit of irritation at his body’s reactions he grabbed Saturn’s free hand and pressed it to his inflamed forehead, relishing the cold that flooded through him at the touch. With his palm pressed flat over Saturn’s he sighed around the thermometer in his mouth, relaxing back into the mattress and easing his tensed muscles.

Saturn's frown deepened.

“Shh…” He dislodged Volkner’s hand from his own and gently set it on the bed, promptly moving his hand back to gently stroke the sickly man’s face. “Hey, you’ll be fine, okay?”

Except, he wasn’t so certain. As he watched the numbers on the thermometer steadily creep upwards, and Volkner continue to zone in and out of reality, his eyes blearily losing focus on their surroundings, he realized exactly how worried he was.

The thermometer beeped, and Saturn quickly retrieved it. Shit. This was not happening, this could not be happening…

He frantically turned to Volkner, shaking him into reality, and spoke clearly so he would be understood, “Volkner, you need a doctor… Do you think you can walk or do you want me to carry you?”

Even in his feverish state Volkner could hear the desperation in Saturn’s words, see the fear in his eyes. The idea of Saturn having to take him to a doctor… he was going to do everything he could to avoid it. Not that he had a problem with doctors, no — it was Saturn that he was more concerned about here. The odds that he would be recognised by someone and taken into custody were too great for Volkner to want to risk. “Wait, wait,” he mumbled, gently taking Saturn’s hand from his forehead and holding it loosely in his. “Don’t go rushing me into the emergency room just yet, alright?”

Pushing himself up on shaking arms only made the pounding in his head worse, but he managed to ignore it without much difficulty. He levelled Saturn with a firm, serious expression. “In the cabinet underneath the sink in the break room, there’s a box of medicines that my mother produced when I was younger.” He gave a small smile. “She used to call them  _miracle_  medicines.” Hannah had  always given them to Volkner when he was a child if he had a fever or headache or — well, almost any kind of ailment under the sun. “Can we try that first? I promise, you can take me to a doctor if that doesn’t work.”

Saturn winced at how weak Volkner’s voice sounded and stared at him with pure worry. Of course Volkner would want to avoid the hospital… It would mean risking his own safety after this man had so kindly offered him a place to reside as a sort of safe haven. But… With how awful the gym leader’s fever was… Saturn didn’t even want to risk trying home remedies, especially when he didn’t know how old they were.

Volkner needed a doctor, and he needed one fast.

He carefully placed his arms under Volkner’s back to help him sit up startling the poor man in the process and shaking his head as he did so. “There’s no time, you need professional help. I’ll be fine… I’ve got the Hoenn accent down like the back of my hand, and with my haircut and your clothes… I’ll be fine.”

Saturn had spent much time blending into the regions he traveled through, even going so far as to learning their speech patterns and slang. He could not pass as a trainer from Johto or Kanto, but he could definitely pass as one from Hoenn. As long as he didn’t send out his Sinnoh team nobody would recognize him. What was most important now was Volkner’s health, and with the direction things were headed in…

Saturn shuddered. He refused to think of such possibilities. He would do something before things got that bad.

When he determined that his friend would not be able to walk on his own, he picked him up and began to carry him in a bridal position.After determining that he would be unable to carry him all the way to the hospital like this due to his short stature, he realized that he would need the help of one of his pokemon. The best choice would be his Gallade, since Raltz were so commonly kept by trainers in Hoenn and evolving them using foreign stones was quite popular, but he wasn’t sure Fatality could carry them both, which could potentially cause problems… 

A whine from Volkner brought him out of his panicked thoughts, and he realized he had been overthinking things again. He would simply get Fatality, and make sure to have them walk beside him. When he finally managed to carry Volkner down the hall to where he had left his pokemon, he gently set him down and retrieved Fatality’s pokeball.

"Alright friend, help me out…" He called out the humanoid pokemon, helping to lift Volkner enough for Fatality to carry him in much the same way Saturn had previously tried. Fatality was shorter than him, but because he was a fighting type pokemon, he was stronger and able to carry someone as large as Volkner.

"Volkner…" Saturn glanced over to his friend."Do you have a raincoat anywhere? Being in the rain can’t be good if you have a fever…"

"I can walk…" he started to say, but then Saturn’s hand was in his hair, fingers carding through the dampened locks in a soothing manner, and Volkner lost his train of thought, leaning into the touch. He barely registered Saturn’s question, so it took a moment for him to form a response. "Mm… that cupboard over there." He gestured vaguely to the door nestled in the corner of the room. "There’s raincoats and umbrellas."

Saturn nodded and rushed over to the cabinet, throwing open the door and pulling an umbrella out. A rain coat wouldn’t keep Volkner completely dry, but a large umbrella definitely would. And with an umbrella, he could walk right next to Fatality and make sure he was okay. 

When he returned to his pokemon’s side, his heart nearly stopped. Shit! Volkner had lost consciousness. Instantly his worries and fears multiplied, and he pressed a hand to Volkner’s forehead, already knowing it would be burning hot. The searing heat reasserted the need to rush to a hospital as fast as possible. With the rain coming down so hard… Saturn wasn't sure they could make it in time. 

Fatality sensed his distress, and nudged him a little with his elbow. Fatality! His Gallade could teleport, they could just teleport to the hospital!

He grabbed tightly onto the arm of his pokemon, giving him a slight nod before speaking his command loud and clear. “Fatality, please teleport us to the nearest hospital.” There was a sudden shift in gravity and suddenly he was in a brightly lit room surrounded by people in clean white clothes. 

The rest seemed to go by in a blur. 

Nurses rushed back and forth, doctors frantically examined Volkner, and all the while Saturn was forced to pace endlessly in the waiting room wondering if his friend would be okay.

The hours ticked by endlessly, and it seemed as though the clock would never move. But eventually, a doctor came in and told him he could sit beside Volkner in his room. Tired of pacing, He followed.

Saturn was more than relieved to find his friend breathing evenly and sound asleep. Good, his fever had gone down. With a sigh, he ran a hand through the gym leader’s dampened hair. “You know, you really gave me a scare…” He would never tell Volkner to his face, but in the past day or so, Saturn had begun to feel alive again. There was just something about Volkner that made him feel, rather than shut everything away, and even though it hurt, he  _craved_  it.

Just as he felt Volkner begin to stir, a nurse poked her head into the room. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” 

Saturn gave her a curt nod and begrudgingly left the room. Volkner was just waking up, but he would be back in time to reorient his friend and reassure him that everything was okay.

The nurse glared at him. “You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you,  _Saturn_.” And with that, she spun and left.

Saturn felt his blood run cold. The nurse knew. She  _knew who he was._ He turned around and slowly opened the door, eyes wide with shock, and the nurse’s words weighing heavily on his mind. Volkner, though he had not voiced his concerns, had been right.

And Saturn had not listened to his silent pleas.

The sound of the door opening startled Volkner, and he shot up in the hospital bed, breathing heavily, frightened and panicked. In an instant Saturn was by his side, gently rubbing his shoulder in an effort to soothe him. 

"Saturn…" he sighed, relaxing immediately and closing his eyes. His lips twitched into a small smile, comforted by the fact that Saturn hadn’t been discovered. He’d thought for sure that the only thing that could come from entering the hospital was Saturn’s arrest, but it seemed they were safe for now.

Saturn pulled the room’s single chair a little closer to Volkner’s bedside, continuously stroking his forearm as he sat down. Volkner focused on the gentle touch, using it to keep himself awake and grounded while cautiously surveying the room; everything in sight was a sterile shade of white, the occasional splash of baby blue and glinting silver that only made the room feel even colder. Starting to feel a little sick he turned his attention back to Saturn. The man was staring at the hand that stroked lazily over Volkner’s arm, looking dazed and vaguely frightened.

"Hey," Volkner murmured, shifting slightly to watch his friend with concerned eyes. "I know you were worried about me, but I’m fine… now…"

He trailed off after a moment, taking in the raw and unhinged nature of Saturn’s expression. It was then that he realised it was something else that was bothering him, not just the matter of Volkner’s health. “You… Saturn, are you alright? What’s wrong…?”

Guilt began to overflow as he sat there, and he had to turn his head away in shame. He refused to look at Volkner. This man had placed so much trust in him allowing him to become a friend, and even more in his oath that he would remain safe. But now…

And the worst part was, that Volkner was right. He had always been right. Every single thing Volkner had ever told Saturn was in some way the truth, and despite knowing this Saturn had still acted selflessly and betrayed Volkner’s trust that he would be safe.

That was why he could not bear to look Volkner in the eyes.

"I… I’m fine… It’s nothing. You just focus on getting better alright. You’re fine now, the doctor said so, but… You had quite a fever, the doctor said if I’d brought you any later you might have died! Hahaha…"

He forced out laughter, and with each forced breath he hated himself slightly more for betraying the last kind of trust Volkner had placed in him. Volkner had trusted him to be truthful, and all he could do was lie, because the truth would hurt Volkner far more than a little shattered trust ever could. Unfortunately for Saturn, it was the other way around. But, he was used to hurting inside, he had never once believed his wellbeing more valuable then any other person’s or pokemon’s, and so if he must, he would give up every bit of sanity for Volkner’s sake, tearing apart his pride and their trust in the process.

"You… Had me worried there…"

If only he knew.

“… I’m sorry I made you worry,” the Gym Leader apologized slowly, blue eyes, darting over the other’s strained expression in concern. He shifted again, tentatively placing a hand atop Saturn’s and meeting his gaze with serious, steady eyes.

"You’re lying."

He didn’t need to wonder if he was right, he knew it immediately. The only new information here was that Saturn was an awful liar. “Don’t lie to me,” Volkner murmured, gaze dropping a little. “Please… don’t.” A heavy feeling sat on his chest, and he couldn’t bring himself to look back up — Saturn was in danger now, all because of him. He should have never allowed Saturn to bring him here, should have kept his promise above all else and looked after Saturn like he said he would. But now…

He held onto his fake smile like a protective blanket, refusing to let Volkner stress anymore than he already had. “No I’m…” Saturn stopped, his voice cracking. It broke his heart, knowing that he had willingly lied to the one person he did not wish to lie to. “…Not fine…” He finished with the truth. 

_He was not okay and Volkner knew._

_Volkner could tell he was lying._

_Volkner was…_

"… Listen to me." Volkner pushed himself up a little closer to Saturn’s face so that he could lower his voice. "If you don’t leave now, you’ll… You’ll get caught." He had to force the words out, and they burned the inside of his throat like fire. "Use Gallade again, go back to the Gym. Stay there until I get back, and then… then we’ll think of something." 

After so many years of running and hiding, and loathing himself for doing so, he had given up. It was time to face reality. Volkner had returned his humanity to some degree, and for that he was thankful. But now…

Now it was time to stop being afraid of justice.

Now, he would go willingly to face whatever punishment he deserved.

He turned to Volkner, trying not to look him directly in the eye, still too ashamed of what he had done. “I can’t do that Volkner. I’ve run away my entire life, and hated myself every step of the way. It’s… It’s time.”

He wanted to cry, he really did. He blinked away the sting of tears, took a shaky breath in. Saturn looked as if he wanted to argue, but the blond simply squeezed his hand and met his worried gaze with a frown. “Please. I don’t think I could live with myself if you were found out, especially not after you just saved me… for the second time.” Blue eyes softened, allowed a smile to creep up and rest on his features. “I’m begging you, Saturn, please trust me.”

The hand on Volkner’s shoulder slipped down to grip his hand. “Who knows, maybe there’s still hope? I mean, I’ve heard of criminals who are put under the watch of exceptional trainers… Maybe I won’t have to rot in jail…” In a way though, he knew the chances of him escaping a life in prison were next to nothing. He had killed, kidnapped, stolen… He had committed just about every possible felony or act of treason known to man. He had done enough to warrant a death penalty. 

He wouldn’t tell Volkner. He couldn’t, no matter how badly he wanted to. He wouldn’t allow himself to hurt the gym leader anymore. 

"Luxray remembers you," he continued softly, eyes misty and clouded with memories. "He knows how much I value what you did for me all those years ago. If you need help, his Pokeball is on the dresser in my room — You’ll know which one it is." Luxray was as thankful to Saturn as Volkner was; he new that his old friend would help Saturn in any way he could. "Please… go now. Stay safe."

Ignoring Volkner's comments entirely, he forced another smile, this time in an effort to reassure Volkner. "I’m really glad I got to know you."

With one final squeeze of his hand, he stood and walked towards the door. 

Volkner felt cold, panic rising in his chest. “No, Saturn—”

His mind screamed at him to look back, but didn't. He had already made up his mind.

“Saturn, stop…” 

 _He’s worth more than he thinks. I have to stop him from doing this._ Volkner gritted his teeth, a bubble of pain pressing down on his chest. “Dammit,  _Damien_ , stop!”

Saturn froze as he heard his real name being called out, emotions rushing into him at an alarming rate.

 

Volkner's stomach lurched, eyes widened as the sudden familarity of the situation slammed into him. Panic made his breath hitch in his throat and refuse to flow.  _He’s leaving, it’s happening again, I can’t let him leave again, I don’t want to be alone—_

Before he even knew what he was doing Volkner was on his feet, blankets thrown aside in the fray. Adrenaline coursed through him as he very nearly ran after the ex-commander; just as Saturn twisted the doorknob and pulled the door open Volkner’s hand made contact with the wood, slamming it back into place with a startling  _bang_. 

The silence around them was tense, Volkner’s blue eyes fixed on those that refused to meet his. The panic he had been feeling had turned to anger, frustration and irritation and sheer annoyance. “For God’s sake,  _l_ _isten to me!_ " He shouted, too agitated and distracted to care to keep his voice down. "I am  _not_ letting you leave.”

The arm he had braced on the door above Saturn’s head quivered, adrenaline beginning to lose its edge and slowly bring him down. His head began to throb, a stabbing pain that only paled in comparison to the sick twist in his stomach, the frustration of not being heard and the distress of being abandoned again. “You don’t get it, do you?” Volkner murmured shakily, the intensity if his eyes wavering and fading. He twisted around to put himself between Saturn and the door, blocking his way out. “I won’t let you just waltz out there and give yourself up. I’m tired of standing by and— and watching while everyone  _walks_   _away_  and  _leaves me_ —”

The Gym Leader’s voice cracked, failed him and fell away almost instantly. There was no more anger, no more frustration, and as the panic began to overwhelm him again he crumpled against the door. “I won’t let you leave. I won’t let you, I won’t.” Volkner said it like a mantra, as if repeating it would convince Saturn to stay. But he couldn’t just stand aside and watch him leave, he had done that too many times before and the thought of it happening again made his heart shatter in his chest. 

“You won’t let me leave…” Saturn murmured, “you’re stubborn as always…” He looked away now, unable to face Volkner. As always he was running from his problems. Be it physically running from the law, or metaphorically running from himself, he was always running.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Volkner lifted a hand and rested it on Saturn’s shoulder. He still couldn’t look up, couldn’t meet the startled gaze that he felt burning holes in the top of his head. Now, he was acutely aware of how his legs trembled, weak and unable to properly support his weight, but he forced himself to keep standing. Volkner already felt far too uncomfortable, too exposed standing there in that space between Saturn and the fate he wished to walk towards — he wouldn’t let him do that to himself. He would convince him to stay, and he would do whatever it took to make that happen.

"You… You’re to important to me, Saturn. Please,  _please_  don’t go out there.”

Saturn looked everywhere, everywhere but at Volkner. In a way he found it ironic. Here he was about to quit running and face justice, yet he could not bear to face something so small by comparison. He was being a hypocrite without realizing it. “You deserve better friends, but none the less I’m glad I met you. You gave me a taste of what my life should have been, and I will cherish those memories for the rest of my miserable life. It was truly more than I deserved after…”

He shook his head unwilling to continue. “Volkner… I can’t stay any longer… I don’t wish to endanger you for harboring a criminal, I would never forgive myself if you were caught. But I don’t want you to hurt when I leave. I don’t matter, and I definitely do not deserve your sorrow…” It was then, that he ignored the desperation in Volkner’s voice and pried the door open. It broke his heart knowing how much he was hurting his friend, but he could not run forever. With one last glance over his shoulder, he smiled faintly. “I’ll never forget you Volkner, you were truly the greatest person I ever had the priveledge to meet.” Then, before Volkner could respond, he was gone.

Blue eyes stared at the floor intently, quivering and beginning to well with tears that slowly overflowed down his cheeks.

_This fate is inescapable, isn’t it?_

The strength in Volkner’s knees, already waning at a rapid rate, gave out from beneath him, and the Gym Leader fell to the floor like a blade of grass bending in the wind. He managed to catch himself on outstretched arms but even that was useless, the impact sending sharp pulses of agonising pain through his entire body. A single, choked sob pushed its way from his throat, but he forced the following onslaught back down, smothered it as thoroughly as he could.

_No matter how hard I try, everything ends the same way._

Tears began to drip from his cheeks, dotting the linoleum flooring as if it were being subjected to the beginnings of the rainstorm outside. Volkner’s hands balled into fists, his teeth gritting painfully tight. “Why,” he hissed at the ground, eyes clenched shut to try and cut of the flowing tears. “Why does this… keep happening?”

_Why do the people I care about most leave me like this?_

He had tried so hard to keep people close to him, once he realised what was going on. After Flint left for the League, his parents had announced they were moving to Kanto; Volkner had asked them to stay a little longer, at least until he had been settled in the Gym for long enough to properly understand his duties, but his mother had insisted that he would be fine, and the two were gone not three days after his best friend.

_What have I done to deserve this?_

Even the challengers that came to the Gym seeking his badge — they all eventually left, too. It was like an endless cycle that could never be broken. And he hated it so much. Each time someone walked away, it was like a tear in his heart, a paper-thin cut that alone did not hurt, but when felt a thousand times over was sheer torture on his mind, his body.

_If it all ends, no matter what I do, maybe I should just stop trying._

Volkner let the tension flee his body, allowing himself to slump back against the wall. Not trying definitely seemed like a less painful way to live. He entertained the thought in dead silence, red-rimmed and tear-stained eyes exploring the hazy pattern that dusted the floor. His mind felt like it was losing its solidity, its ability to function properly. Faces of his past flashed across his vision, Flint, his mother and father, Saturn — they were all gone, and would probably never be back. Yet he had no choice but to stay and watch as they all left. 

_I’m so tired._

He blinked slowly, turning his head to rest it more comfortably against the wall. He’d had enough of this pain, this anguish. Getting close to people only ended with this, at least in his experience, and only left him feeling let down and broken open.

He didn’t want to go through such anguish again.

The door to Volkner’s room opened slowly, and when the nurse spotted her patient slumped against the wall beside the door she crouched in front of him immediately. “Volkner? Volkner, what happened?” Her voice was clear and tight, eyes staring intently at his half-lidded blue.

Volkner sighed, stirred slightly at the sound of his name. “I couldn’t keep him here,” he mumbled, the very memory of it making his chest ache.

The nurse frowned at him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. “Him? You mean…” She hesitated, glancing around cautiously. “… Commander Saturn?”

"I wanted him to stay," the blond went on, not even acknowledging her question. "He was supposed to stay here. I was supposed to  _help him._ Why did he leave?”

"… Volkner…—"

"I hate this place." Volkner’s voice was tired, the anger only showing as a sliver of pain among the words. "Why did this happen? She  _knew_ I didn’t want this, but she did it anyway.”

By now he was barely coherent, babbling through a hidden connection between his mind and mouth. The Nurse was sure she should have been calling for help, doing something to ease the Gym Leader’s pain, but seeing him so unhinged and emotional was almost terrifying. She watched in silence as tears dribbled pathetically down his cheeks, following tracks of those dried up only minutes ago.

"If I wasn’t chained to this city I could have stopped him from leaving. But now I’ll never see him again, and…"

"… And it’s all my fault."

**Author's Note:**

> I edited this whole things as a gift for Volkner-Mun, because I love her she's an awesome friend, and I wanted to give her this. We accidentally created a ship, poured a crap ton of angst into it, and then died because of said angst and were resurrected by the thought of maybe a happy ending(it hasn't come yet).
> 
> If anyone is interested, you can read our original role play here: http://mechanical-voltage.tumblr.com/tagged/midnight/chrono


End file.
